It doesn't matter. Something's not working. You should leave. I have money on him sending you in a spiral chasing dead ends for months making you oblivious to reality. Are these even your questions? Please think about what I'm about to tell you.
You're unhappy. Fuck what the right thing to do is. Fuck needing to compile enough evidence to prove your case. It's madness. Absolute madness the things you're asking and life you're living have nothing to do with anything close to you. What has been done is your self image has been enmeshed with that of the relationship. If one fails so does the other. If you give up on one you give up on the other. Who wants to give up on themselves and be a failure? It's like blood in the water and he can smell it everytime. You're oblivious to the fact that 80% of your issues with everything isn't even with him. How could it be when he is not present 80% of the time. You dont know 80% of what he actually spends his time doing. 80% of who you think you guys are is spent arguing and fighting. you spend 80% of your time trying to figure out what you can't understand.He provides stand ins that you project him onto leaving you shoveling shit harder and longer, while having make believe arguments with him in your mind about TVs games remotes and degrees. It's a good racket he has going. 20% of the time he spends on maintaining you. He probes and provide him unfettered access to what things he can use to trigger you. When triggered your intellect decreases while your emotion increases. Ties it into the relationship. The relationship is you. Gets you really fired up and angry. You're good for the next 8 hours. And so is he as he just sits there and enjoys all the benefits of your work.
Please. Please. Absolutely do not let him know a single thing about this. Don't confirm this with him. You don't ask the devil if he is the devil and expect him to say yes. He is not a covert narcissist but he does sound extremely dangerous. Covert narcissists are covert. PPL aren't fact checking them in the internet. If you can't take your kids and find a shelter today. Then please promise yourself you won't say a word to him. You'll need to find the answer to a decision about yourself without him. He is never not monitoring you to see if you are starting to show signs of thinking for yourself. Super techy nerd stuff a lot? He's monitoring everything... Your phone included if he has access. You think he loves you because he knows you? Adresses things important to you. Has knack for knowing what is bothering you or what to say? YouTube knows what types of videos you watch at which time of the day by collecting data in you. Probing to piece together your intent. You're escape from him has been thwarted before I'm sure because you told him to expect it. You tell him everything and he knows where you are or will be and when. Don't say a single thing to him about anything.
If you want to confirm something for yourself go to your last argument via text. Ignore your texts completely. Now read he's texts only in succession. Is there any attempt to embellish? Is he just letting you rant? Reconcile? two word answers? Repeating things back to you that you've said? Maybe a different twist at the end? Can you see any reason in his texts that warrant a long winded rant from you?
Becareful please. These types are deadly serious when it comes to thinking about how to escape for your safety and well being. If he knows anything he will reprogramme you and punish you.
DM me if you need to.