Ashamedly, I have been the asshole in your story. No children, but the truth came to light and although it’s been a few years, we had to go through our own journey. No one backhandedly told her, the truth came from me. I did a fuckton of work to learn about my depression, why I couldn’t accept my sexuality, how to communicate, etc. to be a better partner and person. It’s the thing I am most deeply ashamed of in all my life. But her and I are still together. I’m on mobile so I forget if I’m even relating to a bi or gay subreddit. There were nights I was sure we’d separate but I’m proud how we handled it and are stronger for it.

I know you’re worried about her but she can’t be your problem, your burden. He can’t put that on you. It is not your fault. It’s entirely his and his alone. He’s an asshole for lying to you and an even bigger asshole to cheat on his wife.