But what if I don't want to hear it? And I ask this as literally as possible.

Ever since I opened up a language center I've been more exposed to people's personal lives because part of teaching a language is to get them to talk about whatever makes them talk.

I am now completely convinced that suicide is not close to being the worst thing one can do to one's self.

It's fucking tearing me up inside. And when I don't feel like listening to them, I feel even worse because they are reaching out for help. But I'm tired of being dragged to their sadness just because empathy has no "off" switch. People who say you become numb are lying, it gets worse every time. Sometimes it feels like their problems happened to me as well.

You know, this girl and her family said I prevented her from killing herself. They have shown nothing but gratitude and they just won't stop showing it. I wish they'd show distance instead. I wish I didn't know all the awful things she went through. I wish I didn't have to smile every time I saw her but I don't want her to see how sorry I am for her and that I don't blame her at all for her thoughts after all that happened to her.

As a matter of fact, I think I wish I never knew to begin with.

I'm a shit person.