I'm struggling to cope with this loss. My father asked if I wanted him to take Meeko to get euthanized, I said yes. I said yes because I couldn't pay for it atm, because I imagined myself having a mental breakdown if I went, and because I love this cat too much. I'm chilling at my apartment on my days off, I think to myself that I need to go visit my cats, I don't go. 2 days later I ask if my father if he has taken meeko to get euthanized, and he says yes. Further questions reveals that my father made an arrangement to drop him off there, all alone. I hate myself that I let that happen. I've dealt with putting cats down before. I was always there, in person, I needed to be there. But I had said yes, my dad can do it this time. And now, I'm struggling with this loss. I'm in complete denial. I literally can't put Meeko and Dead together in my brain. And I guess these are the stages of grief. But I didn't even get to say goodbye, and that's my fault. It feels like I'm going crazy, like I'm stuck, I can't move on. I can't think about his death, like a mental wall is stopping me. I'm planning on having a memorial service this tuesday (the vet took care of the body already) so I can cry it all out and come to terms with this.