I have been estranged from my mother since July 2011. I had gone no contact with her when I was 23 years old, for just over 3 years. Then again when I was 27 years old and I don't recall how long that lasted. I have not seen or spoken with my mother since July 2011 and I have no intention of doing so ever again or until she has been in therapy for at least 6 months. I doubt that will happen since she does not believe she needs therapy. She believes I am the one who needs help. Which is funny (not ha ha) because I have been going to various therapies. off and on, since 1989.

When I walked away from my mother in 2011, I knew I was doing what I needed. It was the first time I had walked away from her and felt confident. Although I was terrified and braced myself for a physical attack. I think she would have attacked me if circumstances were different. Ie, there weren't so many witnesses around. Plus, she was weaker since having a TIA (transient ischemic attack) the previous year, which I helped her recover from.

I do not have any regrets for walking away from my mother. I do regret that I don't have a mother, however. I never have. Even when I was a child, she was never present in the way I was dependent on her. I was a burden and a nuisance to her. She made sure I knew how little I was worth.

After I walked away from my mother, I slowly started fading from my extended family. That is a sore spot for me and I will likely talk about it more at a later time. Currently though, I do not feel I have any blood relatives in my life. The people I consider my family are not blood related. Although I miss some of my birth family terribly, for right now at least, it is better for me to maintain my distance. When ever I am near them, I end up feeling bad about myself. I feel insecure and awful.

I am no longer willing to put myself through that any more.