In the beginning, Capcom created the heavens and the earth. Now the earth was formless and empty, hunters shadowboxed Konchus over the surface of the deep, and the spirit of RNGesus was floating above the waters.
Then Capcom said, "Let there be weapons," and there were weapons. They saw that the weapons were gud, and They separated the stabby weapons from the pewpew weapons. Capcom called the stabby ones "Blademaster" and the pewpew ones "Gunner". And there was a Paw Pass Ticket, and there was a Quest Complete screen - the first quest.
And Capcom said, "Let there be a difference between weapons to separate blade from gun." So Capcom separated the blademaster armours from the gunner armours. And it was so. And there was a Paw Pass Ticket, and there was a Quest Complete screen - the second quest.
And Capcom said, "Let the scrubs be gathered to one place, and let gud players appear." And it was so. They called gud weapons "dee-pee-ass" and the scrub weapon "Insect Glaive", and set the mounting shoutout "Je suis monte!" And Capcom saw that it was gud.
Then Capcom said, "Let the forge produce blunt weapons: instruments of beauty and destruction, like anvils for heads and beatings for naughty children, to play different notes according to their kinds." And it was so. The forge produced hammers and hunting horns: hunters supported each other with KOs and offensive music, just like Chris Brown. And Capcom saw that it was gud. And there was a Paw Pass Ticket, and there was a Quest Complete screen - the third quest.
And Capcom said, "Let there be guns among the hunters to separate the good from the bad, and let them serve as warning signs 'I have the defense of a wet paper towel' and deal stupid dee-pee-ass given the right cirumstances." And it was so. Capcom created two bowguns - a Heavy Bowgun to rip monsters a huge new asshole, and a Heavy Bowgun to rip monsters several smaller new assholes. They also made the Bow, which sat sadly on the sidelines. Capcom set these in a different category, giving them different armour skills that benefitted them, to separate blade from gun. And Capcom saw that it was gud. And there was a Paw Pass Ticket, and there was a Quest Complete screen - the fourth quest.
And Capcom said, "Let the halls teem with tripping weapons, and let hunters fly above the earth across the expanse of the sky." So Capcom created disruptive weapons, Longsword, Gunlance and Charge Blade, to mess up every attempt at cohesive teamwork according to their kinds. And Capcom saw that it was annoying, but gud. Capcom blessed them and said, "Be fruitful and increase in number to fill every hall, except Gunlance, because nobody uses that shit." And there was a Paw Pass Ticket, and there was a Quest Complete screen - the fifth quest.
And Capcom said, “Let the forge produce victims according to their kinds: the Lance, the Greatsword, the Dual Blades, and the Sword and Shield according to its kind.” And it was so. Capcom made the Lances according to their kinds, the Greatswords according to their kinds, and all the weapons that tripped along the ground according to their kinds. And Capcom saw that it was also annoying, but gud,
Then God said, “Let us make a weapon in our image, in our likeness, so that they may rule over the plebs in the caravan and the noobs in the halls, over the dee-pee-assers and all the trippers, and over all the weapons that trip along the ground.” So Capcom created Switch Axes in Their own image, in the image of the Desire Sensor They created them; sword and axe They created them.
Capcom blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the halls and subdue them. Rule over the blunt weapons, over the gunner weapons, and over every living hunter that trips on the ground." Then Capcom said, “I give you every phial on the face of the whole earth and every swing that has charge in it. They will be yours for dee-pee-ass. And to all the weapons of the anvil and all the wyverns in the sky and all the lancers that trip along the ground - everything that has a tangible hitbox in it - I give everything for you to upswing.” And it was so.
Capcom saw all that They had made, and it was very gud. And there was a Paw Pass Ticket, and there was a Quest Complete screen - the sixth quest.
Preach the gospel of Switch Axe, my good people.