thank you. you put into words my exact feelings; i hate being this way. it's ruined a lot of lovely things. i was close to a guy in school for many years but he was just a few nicks shorter than me, we were still great friends though. when he confessed to me however, i just couldn't do it. i couldn't say yes. all my 5'3 and 5'4 friends were like tiny dolls you could put in your pocket, so small and cute, and there was me, tall and skinny and lanky and just feeling 'too big'. it broke my heart because i really liked him, and if he'd been your height i would have said yes. but i couldn't cope with my insecurities.
i do have some pretty horrible memories. one of them was, i remember when i was about 8 years old, we were being measured in PE, and i couldn't fit under the measuring stick. all my classmates, though never before then unkind to me, thought it was hilarious and took it upon themselves to try and 'make me fit'. they tried to jam me under the little part that marks the top of the stick and it was so awful. it hurt, but what hurt more was feeling like i wasn't like them. i was a really, really tall child. i was getting all this unwanted attention and it was only when the teacher claimed i was 'an anomaly' and that we were finished, did they stop. i will always remember that, because i had to ask my mother what anomaly meant when i got home. there were many instances like that, and i know it's not hugely tragic or terrible, but to experience that kind of unavoidable alienation as a child was really detrimental to me. i'm scared of shorter people, i think that's what it boils down to. i don't feel safe and i worry. it makes me feel afraid, like i need to quickly sit down or slouch so i don't stand out. so i look like i fit in. one of my best friends is 6'4, and he was the first person to ever tell me 'you're so little'. i cried when he said that, i was so happy.