Well... so there I was about 25 years ago, I had just finished a bottle of vodka in the back 40 around 2:00 AM. Me and my boys were minding our own business having a little fire and shootin' the shit at the back of my property, a pretty chill event, no noise, just a campfire and some bros talking out some PTSD. We're a polite lot, I can assure you we were bothering no-one.

So I had this asshole neighbour who didn't like people having fun, even if it's quiet fun. So he called the RCMP. A perfect vision of loveliness RCMP officer shows up and asks what we're up to - I tell her, she says (and I shit you not) "sounds like the perfect place for it, have a great night." Wow, she was an angel... I still think about her occasionally. The perfect mixture of badassery, authority, compassion... swoon.

I see her drive over to Asshole's house and have a conversation on the front porch. So I stumble over there to apologize for whatever desecration I may have thrust upon this fella, he just rattled into a long diatribe of how it's too late for polite people to be having a campfire and we should have been in bed hours ago, then ranted angrily for 5 minutes about everything wrong with the world. I stopped listening and simply walked away.

So, asshole lights up what appears to be millions of watts of halogens, pointed right at us. We made a game of it, seeing who's pupils were the smallest.

Remember how I said that thing about PTSD and vodka? Well... by 0300, he didn't have a single light left anywhere on his property. Even the ones that weren't shining. I'm really not proud of this, and in my old age I'd certainly do things differently (I think).

The details remain foggy. A different RCMP officer was on my doorstep the next morning. I'm confident he knew what was up, but nothing ever came of it.