Thanks for you post, your comment is 100% right.

I see the good we have and when it turns to crap I feel frustrated about it. But i understand it'll pass.

Ego has come up a couple of times. Using my energy to look at everything as a goft, a chance to practise, a chance to grow, it's my energy. I could use it on better things but I'm "forced" to use it on this.

Sometimes I feel like Buddhism blames me. "It's coming from within you". It wouldn't be if my external world was different. 6 months in a not one drama has been my fault, or anything to do with me, yet I'm here in the middle of it. I'm constantly using my time and energy to "learn and grow" but what am I learning?

You're right that the idea in my head and the people in front of me are different, and yeah, I can't change that. But all I've learned is they can't be trusted. That people don't try. They dont communicate properly. They avoid their problems. They yell and rage and what am I supposed to learn?

All I learned is I can go in my room and avoid it because at the end of the day, none of it is my problem. At this point if none of them talk to me again I'd probably be a bit lonlier, but at least I wouldn't be spending time with people who repeat the same shitty behaviour as soon as they think you've forgotten about the last time they did the same thing.