I think you need to notify your circle that you are leaving because of the following reason, and notify your friend that he’ll be going ballistic looking for you. Make sure to be candid — toxic, controlling, worried that he will lash out in. rage.

That’s not triangulating, but more clearing things up so he won’t be able to so easily manipulate friends against you.

In that friend’s position, I would 100% appreciate the heads up so I could plan my actions accordingly. In my community, ‘we protect us’ is a powerful concept, but you need to find a place to go that he doesn’t know about/can easily access.

Get out of your local police jurisdiction. Use the first day to put a fuckton of daylight between you and him. Pretty much set it all off at the same time, because it’ll disrupt his playbook.

And remember, he wants above all else for this to be kept quiet. Go fuckin’ loud. Let people know. I think you will be surprised by how many people will help you. I know it’s easy to envision the worst out of people, but that’s because we all imagine that we are in situations no one else has experienced before

And remember you’re fucking brave for facing what he is. Not everyone gets to where you are right now. Carry it through for your own well being and that of your children who are thankfully young and will thank you later for being this brave.