Lyrics, etc :
Bring me the Brandy.
I've had a feeling since January,
The Pens are crushing it in twenty-sixteen,
Sid and Geno don't need to be told
that silverware compliments the black and the gold.
HERE WE GO
Coach Mike has whipped the team into shape, HERE WE GO
Ain't nobody we can't outskate, I DON’T KNOW
If ya heard, but you best buckle up,
'cause Pittsburgh's playin' for the Stanley Cup, Bring me the brandy
Two thousand eight felt like we had a chance for number three
The Pens were hot but it was just too cold in the D
Game six the puck was under Fleury in the crease
But the ice wasn't tilted our way that day –
Then Byslma one year later steps to Babcock and the haters,
Hall of Famer Nikki Lidstrom shoots it right into the crest,
Gary Bettman probably countin' down the seconds til he
says a speech and takes a selfie, then reach out to new investors
'cause the Penguins were the promise of the lottery,
the children of the prophecy - Flower Malkin Crosby saving hockey
from the hell of Kansas City and the shamefulness and pity
gettin' bumped for golf and nascar on ESPN -
On the bench was mister Hossa with his head buried,
to hide the foot in his mouth like a Slovakian Milbury,
See how far they got without the leadership of Mike Richards?
Sipping brandy from Lord Stanley Smiling like the dog of a butcher.
So we started the next decade with a target on our backs,
in the crosshairs of thugs and snipers, neutral zone traps,
we laughed when the Caps got some practice crashing out
in the first round, but we were the next to go down;
HALAK. - I still can't talk about it.
If my hockey team had a profile on Tinder,
it's dislikes would say "European goaltenders".
What happens to the dream of a dynasty deferred?
Ask the Wings, the Avs, the Habs, the Islanders.
The Blackhawks became everything that we were s'posed to be, Then the Bruins’ market earned another mint for NBC, Carter and Richards got their names on the cup, only three thousand miles west of Filthydelphia, where the Superstar and the original Jagoff, cut us off on the turnpike and we spun out in the playoffs, Twenty-13 we gave Boston all we'd got but all we could do was HIT THE POST WITH THE SHOT, It's still ringin' in my head, I can't waffleboard it away then we lost twice to a team that won't matter for at least 3 more decades - BUT NOW WE'RE OUT FOR JUSTICE Crosby's isn't battling concussions, And journalists are not allowed to trade Evgeni Malkin. Fleury gave us 30 wins like Tanger skates for 30 minutes, Murray, mister 30, dueling Vezina contendors, with some help from Olli Maata and his band of young defenders. Have you seen our call-ups from Scranton Baby Penguins? They'll leave you in the dust, Captain Umass, German Gretzky, Bryan Rust, and Rutherford's wrecking crew, the HBK. Kessel fits in Pittsburgh like a glove, Toronto prob’ly never deserved you, as for Nick and Carl, who knew how high they’d fly when they don’t have to carry Bruce Boudreau?
The Sharks are lookin' East, prayin' for help,
They should read the reviews on Yelp,
'Cause Penguins eat fish, they know how to swim,
and they can stomp out aging, bearded veterans,
HERE WE GO
This one's for Daley, and Pascal Dupuis,
Zatkoff and Le Magnifique,
If you’re headed dahntahn, you best buckle up,
'cause Pittsburgh's playing for the Stanley Cup,
Bring me the Brandy
Lord Stanley, Lord Stanley, Bring me the Brandy.
CREDITS AND JOKES : --Broadcasters : "Lord Stanley, Lord Stanley, Bring me the Brandy" and "Smiling like a butcher's dog" are in homage to the legendary Mike Lange.
"HIT. THE. POST. WITH THE. SHOT." and "waffleboarded away" are Doc Emerick phrases.
Mike Millbury is... well, he's a person who says words on TV, but nobody's really sure why.
I don't remember names of people who suggest trading Evgeni Malkin.
I wrote a Jeremy Roenick joke but it mysteriously didn't show up in my song about the Penguins and playoff hockey.
--Music The opening riff is from Roger Wood's "Here We Go (Steelers)", which I have been forced to listen to since, well, let's just say since I thought a Yancy Thigpen trading card would be worth something. My dad told me he worked with him (Ross/Penn Mould, AFGWU for life) - which I believed when I was in elementary school and am questioning for the first time as I type this.
"Too Cold in the D" is a terrible Detroit anthem : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aktLRiWXfqg
The "ohhhs" after the second and last verses are a bad attempt to sing the Pens theme over the same chords.
--Players -"Superstar" = Maxime Talbot https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KOrvdvczpEA
"Original Jagoff" http://lmgtfy.com/?q=jagoff+penguins+jersey+images
I would love to post a link to every reference but honestly you should've been watching the Pens and reading the Pensblog for the last decade.