First, I am sorry for the late response. This is my throwaway account so I'm not on here usually.

Second, I think I understand how you feel and I have this strong, nagging feeling, that it's because of your relationship w/ your boyfriend that is causing you to spiral. I've been in it as well, and I still am in it more often than not. Some days are good, some days I feel nothing. Often I feel misunderstood, just like you. There are days also when I feel so distant, like I don't belong and I've thought about picking up and going somewhere and starting over somewhere else.

I think what we're looking for, is someone to help us forget all the shit we feel. We tend to look for it in the one person we want to feel the closest to, but we spiral when we don't get it. I don't have the greatest relationship w/ my family, so the next in line is my boyfriend. I have expectations of him and I wish he would be more empathizing but I dont know, I somehow feel this isn't where I need to be, and I am not who I am outside of all this.

I am really sorry again, for the late response. If you want to talk, feel free to send me a direct message.