Very well said! I don't often chuckle or even COMMENT on any post (long time lurker, fellow creeper), but I liked your writing style a lot and just wanted to tell you good work!
I accept your challenge of occasionally conversing. I am your typical white knight fedora neckbeard barista. Joking, but I'm not as cool as you where I look or sound better on paper. I type like I speak, and because I'm a bumbling idiot, things can only get worse from here.
Wow third paragraph, proud of myself. The actual blurb about me? Hmm. I'm 25, work at a boring consulting company. In my free time, I go to trivia with coworkers sometimes, and consequently I watch a lot of movies and tv for the sake of improving my useless knowledge. When I'm not on Netflix I like to play the game CSGO. I wouldn't classify myself into the "nerd" category because I think 99% of all guys play video games, and nerds are implied to be smart, which I am not. But I take that game pretty seriously and it passes the time. What else. I appreciate the approach you took in your post that clarifies that you aren't interested in kik, tweet, myspace, xanga, all of that childish bullshit full of dick pics and click bait.
That being said, I feel like I can speak freely, and instead of doing the lame white Knight "sup bae I have a guitar in my room look at me I'm so cultured and artistic and just so unique" horseshit. Don't really have a plan in life, short or long term, and when mature me tries to get on track, I just divert my attention to gaming, music, or in this case houstonr4r... I honestly have trouble keeping the ladies off me in this sub. I wish there were more guys to sort of equal it out, because it is currently so lopsided I feel like every guy in houston must be either taken or so attractive that they would never consider posting in some online forum, and it is just so unfair to the 100s of F4M posts that go unanswered everyday.
OK I can check off the required sarcasm bit... Really doing well on this list of required douchebag things to say. I think all I have left is creeper, be fake, and be desperate. All the things a damsel in distress wants from her shiny reddit white knight.
If you creep my account you will find links to numerous dick pics and comments of views and stances on bullshit that make me seem witty and sophisticated. Jk, it's just some fantasy football advice. If you are into football don't hate on my noob questions, fantasy is a big deal ok??? Keeps me busy at work. Mandatory: hey a/s/l/pic??? What part of town u in? I'm in_______, but even tho we are 250 miles apart I would still love to drag my balls through two miles of broken glass just to hear you fart through a walkie talkie.
OK creeper has been checked off the list. I think that last part took care of like AIM, tinder, any kind of dating/social site.
Boy I am really working up a novel here! Can't wait for you to never read this and me spending like 5 hours proofreading this thing all for nothing. Jk.
8 hours. Jk. So I don't use spell check because I'm a fucking badass who actually learned to spell in elementary school, but like you if I misspell a word or make something up, I just don't give a shit because my writing is so meta and 'cavalier' as you put, I just know you won't judge me for my grammatical mistakes, cuss words, and/or rude stereotypes of every demographic just to start flame wars.
So the above 'list' was fake obviously, but I actually think it's going really well so far so I'm gonna keep on goin'!
So be fake is two tiered. On one hand it could be most of the writing above about me... Hypocrisizing (so pro) about myself, how I hate typical fedora redditors, yet I am the total opposite while being exactly the same, or how I try to relate to the nerd stereotype, while shitting all over it and myself at the same time... On the other hand, being fake could be me saying I'm actually a woman. It could be I'm actually 14 and just want to grab a boob for the first time in my pathetic life. Or I could be 45 and just be creepy as fuck and say things like, "say gurl you got a purty mouth" because I think my disregard for women being treated as equals and basic politeness can be outweighed with some southern charm and confidence. Because women LOVE confidence. No shy neckbeard should ever approach a girl expecting to be acknowledged.
Got lazy with that paragraph and sorta mixed "be fake" with "be desperate" and "be pathetic" (implied).
But seriously, if you read this far, props to me for being such cool and hip writer, just like JD salinger. Just writing shit like it is, cutting out all the bullshit and really focusing on the important points. Jk I hate catcher in the rye, it's one of the shittiest books on earth. Why? It's so CATCHY. get it?? Amirite?! Jk I actually don't know how to read. If you go against every feeling in your body and respond to this don't ask that loaded question, "what do you read/what are your favorite books"... Fuck that. I don't need to have chaucer or some recent NYT bestseller on my nightstand to make educated. I'm educated enough. This boy is smart even without finishing high school. There, I said it. I'm a 32 year old HS dropout that works at McDonald's and still lives with his mother and has no concept of a career or being independent, yet I have this "good will hunting" quality about me where everyone I meet thinks I should be something more successful because I have such a high IQ and superior logic skills.
OK jk again! I am actually 25, went to UH and got a business degree. I hope I've messed with your trust and emotions enough that you don't know what to believe anymore.
So, the end of the road. We've finally reached that point where a sarcastically written post turned into a full on blog about a lame, unfunny asshole who forces out words just to prove to himself that he can make a potential "girl" in the interwebs, not only respond to his post, but be so moved by it that she actually wants to make it a habit of writing back and forth, and not some like 4 word pity reply to thank her white knights for all the attention they have granted m'lady.
TL;DR
25/M/HOUSTON wanna kik?!111!??
Jk, I hope that this shitty rant got you to half smile. If so, my job here is done. Although, hope to hear from you soon! Bye