Your wife is your family. Your mom and sister are now extended family.

It's about priorities. Your wife should be yours, 100%. Your mom and sister, they can't be your priority, when you're married.

The ONLY time when they are now a priority is if they got hit by a car or something similarly disastrous and even then you can arrange for care and stay with your wife.

The fact that you KNOW your mother is mean and abusive, should give you all the incentive you need to choose your wife -and thus your own family - over your mother and sister who are now extended family. Their importance has changed, and they will have to accept that. And so do you.

I hope at least that you can do that. Your mother is an adult who can care for herself and you still seem to be defending her, being on the fence and being unsure what to do.

I can understand your wife not feeling too good about all this.

I'd hope my hubby would fiercely defend me, in any circumstance, EVEN IF it wouldn't be the right thing to do. And in this case it is. You are way late dude, way way late with shining up your spine and declaring your undying love and support to your wife.

I suggest you get yourself some counseling. It can be very helpful to have a knowledgeable third party help you calibrate your - what we call - normal meter, so you can make better choices, and also to become a true team with your wife. TeamYou2 is the most important, if you want to grow old together.