I feel really bad and out of place saying this, but I always wished I had friends like this. I only had 2 close friends my entire life. One of them was my best friend at the time, his dad used to beat him up pretty bad so he eventually moved in with me for a bit until he moved back. Then I remember him suddenly turning very violent. We were probably 12 or so when I watched him slam another kid into a fence post, knocking out all his teeth. Wasn't long after that until he curbed stomped some kid who was talking shit about him. I don't really remember that night though, sometimes I wonder if I just made it up. Most of my life is just a blur anymore. He ended up raping some girl and stealing a police car though, before he fled the country. Haven't seen him since.

My other best friend luckily isn't into any of that. Best friend a guy could wish for, but I feel like such an asshole because he does have a mental handicap that he tries so hard to overcome. I would kill for this guy without a second thought. But I've since moved across the country, leaving everything behind. Now all I get are the occasional "hey dude, you free for a call?" Text, but due to the time difference I'm usually at work.

Most of my family is gone too. Everyone hates each other. So many court dates and custody battles. So I have almost no family (parents and that's about it). Everyday I come home now I just smoke enough weed to forget. I'm not suicidal anymore, but I'm beyond depressed.

I moved to try and find myself and start a better life, that hasn't quite worked out as planned. Now I'm just sitting on the couch, watching my girlfriend get ready to go out with her girlfriends to a girls night pub crawl and I'm just counting down the hours until I can pass out on the floor.

All I've ever dreamt about in life is having a close group of good friends. The kind of friends that can pack into a car and go for a random weekend roadtrip. I guess we don't all get what we want though.

For you, brothers. Salut!