Hmm.

So I am belief-wise, I suppose, an ex-Jew. I like to tell myself that is about the intellectual proposition of belief in god or some such. And there is probably a good deal of truth in that.

There is probably also more truth in: I never could find anyone part of a Jewish community who wanted to date me, and partner with me to be part of the community. We are social creatures, and I failed at finding a partner to build a foundation in that community. So I felt (and feel) deeply rejected.

In some ways that rejection is a centerpiece of my life. It is incredibly painful. I fail to belong to communities. I spent a while defining myself as a disbeliever, as an intellectual salve: "I experience this pain and rejection, because it is part of my intellectual rigor, I reject that which all you fools adhere to". And I mean, there is some truth in that. But there is a lot of truth in: I was trying to find some justification for how I fail at community and romantic partnering.

I would (and do, although I am VERY bad at it, and at this point have little resiliency),not defining myself as an Ex-Theist, or Ex-Anything, but work on finding a community I add value to, that values me, where I considerable for a romantic partner.

Belong. Find a way to belong. Find a place to belong. You are a social creature, and need that belonging. Being removed, or removing yourself from a community you know is super hard and painful, and destructive, to you. Find a place where you can put in work, and add value, and belong.

as with all things on the internet:

my $0.02, YMMV