This makes a lot of sense. I’m still pretty rattled by the FA I was recently seeing—I suggested keeping things casual because I’d just gotten out of a relationship, I caught feelings four months in and got really vulnerable with him, and he told me he “appreciated it,” that I was “so hot,” and that while he was emotionally unavailable (in his words) he really wanted to hook up one last time.

So we did (my bad for not setting that boundary). And I never saw him again.

It totally validated the idea in my head that people only want sex from me.

Yet when secure guys express interest in an actual relationship, I have a hard time letting my guard down. Sex is the only way I can connect with someone I (at least think) I actually like. It’s baffling to me.

Is there any hope for FAs who want to change and make healthier decisions? I guess it’ll just take time (and therapy).