Vent. FA (leaning Secure), recently ended things with a self-aware FA. Their dismissive tendencies started showing 1.5 months in, I was getting terribly anxious over it, and no amount of communication could navigate the situation.

When I ended things, they basically confessed to having been deactivated for a week. They distanced from me because they felt things were moving too fast, they feared I was more into them than they were into me, they felt smothered by my (perceived) expectations, and instinctually pushed me away further whenever I communicated feeling unappreciated due to their dismissive behaviour.

NONE of these worries were communicated with me, until I pulled the plug. They just withdrew. Suddenly stopped putting in effort. Made me feel like spending time together was a chore they'd rather dodge.

Now we're trying to remain friends. But I'm reflecting on if that's working out for me. I can still feel myself feeling anxious towards them, and their mixed signals are making it worse. One night they're texting me, asking me what I'm doing, sending me pictures, video calling me, insinuating we should hang out. The next day, I'm getting ice cold dismissive replies and silence again. It's sending me on a tail spin.

Every time I distance myself because of them pushing me away, they start pulling me back in again. Then, just when I start feeling safe and comfortable in the connection, they deactivate and push me away again. I'm having a hard time self-soothing in the face of this unpredictable behaviour. But going fully No Contact is something drastic that I'd rather not do, especially since we share a social circle.