I had to use one and I despised it. It made me feel conspicuous, vulnerable, inferior, unworthy, and exposed. I was filled with anger at my disease and disgust that I wasn't strong enough to just push through it.

It was only when my torsion and dystonia was so bad that my hip was dislocated, my knee was facing its partner, my ankle was completely rolled out, and my foot was so distorted that it was about 65% the size of my other one and the ball of the foot never touched the ground that I finally started using a cane in public areas that weren't my job.

I couldn't move my leg more that about three inches at a time and I was horrendously slow. Even just standing made me feel like passing out, but I was determined that I wouldn't allow my injury to stop me from completing my goals, no matter that I paid in pain. My pain was irrelevant and was not to be acknowledged, because shit still had to get done.

My pride was so massive that I would rather be in agony with a straight face than be willing to be honest with myself about how severe it had become and subject myself to potential public shame by using a walking aid. Looking back on it now, I can see that I was being ridiculous because my refusal to assist myself made the condition worse, and the way I was walking drew attention regardless because I was not physically capable of walking in a way that aligned with what one would expect from my body type.

I worked as a substitute teacher for middle school music programs throughout my city and had four or eight hour shifts several days a week. I used a cane during particularly bad days at my favorite school and I did get several questions on the first day from several students in each class, but once I explained that I had received an injury in childhood that made it hard for me to walk some days, they were actually super accommodating and never made jokes at my expense over it.

When I left that job, each of my classes in that school threw me a party during our lesson time. My eighth grade band class made speeches that would have moved me to tears if I had allowed myself to feel, but it still pricked at me. They told me that they had learned more about music and about life from me in the short time we were together than they had from their teacher in the three years they had been in her class. That they could see how hard walking and moving was for me, even though I never complained about it. That I taught them about determination and personal responsibility, and how not to let difficulties stop your forward motion. That I treated them with respect even though they were kids, and that it impacted them.

I guess my point is: you never know who you're impacting or which lessons they're going to take away from their interactions with you. I was my disability that made the deepest impression on my students, and they learned things from me that I didn't even know I was teaching them.

My pride had to be really beaten down before I would use a cane in public though, but that was my projections of how other people would see me that prevented me from improving my own situation. I had to learn that managing other people's perceptions of me, trying to control how someone else views the world, is not my responsibility.

I recommend getting one with a hand strap, if you are dropping things sometimes. I know I would drop mine occasionally and it would draw attention to me that stress me out and increased SNS activity, which also increased my pain. I would also have to bend over to pick it up, which was difficult, slow, and painful. A wrist strap allows that to be avoided all together.

Also I found the fatter and squishier the handle, the easier it was to hold and the more weight I could take off my leg without hurting my hand or wrist.

My other recommendation is reflex integration. I personally use the MNRI Method, but there are several programs out there. I don't use a cane anymore at all, and I place that squarely on my MNRI routine.