I have a couple secrets. Some are family secrets and some are personal ones.
I'll go about it in chronological order, with a bit of background.
I am currently 18, male and about to attend university away from family. The family consists of 3 sisters, one older, two younger. A father, mother, and mother of my father [grandmother].
Okay, so my father had an extremely bad case of temper, where he would express himself physically and verbally. Often times over nothing, he would beat the living crap out of me. Along with my older sister. She was rebellious and would sneak out, drink, smoke, and fuck a lot. This caused a lot of trouble and often times this anger towards her would be forced onto me. He would beat me with his belt [cliché I know] the buckle, pick up anything near by and throw it to my face, causing bleeding, bruising, and tears. He would spank me bare bottom and if I cried or yelled in pain he would hit me again. He would beat me with his fists, kick me in the cut, punch me down the stairs, or pull me down if I were running away. Don't worry, my older sister also got some shit for it too. Such as getting a padlock outside her door, having to sleep with my grandmother in her room as 'security' and lots of verbal and physical abuse similar to my own.
The verbal stuff is:
"I wish you were never born"
"You're a piece of shit, that whores around"
You're pathetic and need to grown some balls you sack of shit"
etc etc.
So sometime in middle school I decided enough was enough. I was tired of saying I bumped into a pole, fell down the stairs, or was "just tired" so i decided to kill myself. I know, very smart.
However, I had no balls and had no idea how to do this. Being like 12. Anyways, I told my friends about killing myself and well it didn't work out the way I planned (being where they help me kill said self). They told a teacher and that brought counseling and therapy.
This was great news, cause with the therapy and such the temper and fights have stopped [mainly] and I just told the counselor that I "pretended to want to be suicidal in order to get them to go into therapy" which is kinda not true and true, doesn't really matter as it worked out for the most part.
Another secret is that, during all this drama I discovered pornography at a young age. I was around 6 or 7 or 8, I don't remember. What I do remember is that I was not turned on at all about it, but was curious as to how to do this and I had a lot of female sisters. So naturally [yeah you guessed it] I, like the monster I was, decided to sexual abuse my youngest sister [who was like 4 at the time]. I stripped her down and myself and told her it was a game. I made her suck my dick and hold it in her hand. I wasn't hard or turned on or anything, I was just curious and had no idea this was wrong at the time. My parents found out and we have never spoken of it since. [Although a couple years back, during the fragile state of fights and not fights during therapy my older sister would use it against me].
Third secret, I was about 14 and discovered masturbation. This shit was awesome. Then one day while I was chilling at in my older sisters room, she asked me if I knew what masturbation was. I nodded and she told me to show her. So I basically just masturbated in front of my sister.
Important side note, I thought masturbation was humping the bed/couch/whatever until my dick was hard, then normally wanking it.
She never spoke of it and neither have I, this one is a very vague memory that I'm actually unsure of whether it is true or not.
About the same age [me 14] my best friend [12] and I got into a weird gay experience. We basically masturbated next to each other and jerked each other off. I know I am 100% straight, and am pretty sure he is too. We have never spoken of this.
I eventually got a girlfriend in freshman year, but I was naive and had no idea how to keep one happy and stuff and I basically just kept buying her gifts. No, before you ask, she did not date me for cash, she would refuse gifts and was generally "in love with me" as I was "in love with her" [quotes are cause freshman and stupid].
Anyways, in order to keep the cash coming I stole money. I stole it from one of the worst places possible. See, my parents are very catholic and volunteer at a church that is crazy huge, financially and physically. They're good people with good intentions that fucked up big time with anger problems. Back to track, I would go to church with them and would get bored like kids do. So I would walk around and sneak around like some spy, or ninja or whatever. This ended up with me climbing through a window into a office with a load of cash in a drawer. Now I was just going to sign my name or a letter and be like "I just snuck in here like a ninja, you should get better security" thinking that it would be cool showing up how a kid was able to do that. But the cash was just there, I had a girlfriend and social life to finance and well.. I took it. It was about 800 dollars worth, or 5000 yuan, or 750 euros, for the majority of you guys.
As far as I know, those are all the biggest secrets that I will hold to in my grave. I have other smaller ones such as; I fucked my families assistance [she was 18 I was 16] and when they found out she was fired and I was basically shamed. I left my mother in an airport to travel back home while I stayed with my extended family to be with my new girlfriend [about 2 months of dating] I got a lot of shit for that, which is deserved. I stole a bunch of shit as a kid that would tally up to over 1000 dollars. I was the [not sure if this is the right word] "scape goat" for my uncle where we, along with his girlfriend went to watch a movie... he's married with a kid.
Okay, that's about it.
Now I know this post might be downvoted to hell, or explore, or stay neutral. I just hope that someone reads it as it took a long ass time to write and it definitely makes me feel both scared that word will get out, and relieved for getting this off my chest.
Yes, the throwaway username is relevant.