The creative team have said in interviews that everything in the show was from a real-life situation that happened to themselves, or people they knew. But I honestly find it hard to believe that any woman would be stupid enough to ask her boyfriend to accept her having ongoing contact with the guy she cheated with, or that if a woman actually did do that, that the boyfriend would accept it. At least, not in the U.S. In the uppah clahss-es and in some countries (my French cousins come to mind), infidelity is accepted, viewed as natural, and it's unsophisticated and silly to care about it, but generally in the U.S. fidelity is expected and people are hurt when a partner is unfaithful.
Drawing from my own life experience, when I was dating the man I married and things became serious, we talked about our past relationships. He was aware that the love of my life before I met him, my high school sweetheart Rich, had broken my heart by breaking up with me because he believed we were too young to get serious (age 17) and should be lighthearted and date different people before we settled down, that people who got married just after high school regretted it later and wished they had had more life experience. Three years later, I was engaged and shopping for wedding things with my fiancé when I heard Rich's voice say my name. I turned and there he was, smiling (I was surprised I didn't feel pain, or die on the spot), and he introduced me to his girlfriend and I introduced them to my fiancé E.
E immediately realized that Rich was The One, smiled and told them, "We're getting married in three weeks. You've got to come to our wedding!" He also invited them to dinner, and during the next three weeks they became our New Best Friends and E watched Rich like a hawk, smiling smugly and putting his arm around me all the time, rubbing it in She's Mine.
When Rich broke up with me, he had been miserable. He told me, "I want to marry you. I hope you'll marry me someday. It's just we're too young, you know?" I avoided him for years afterward - which wasn't easy since we had the same friends - because I couldn't bear to see him but not be with him; and I lived in fear of seeing him with another girl. Our friends were wonderful: they'd ask me to parties, and say "Rich won't be there." They knew to ask him first, because I wouldn't go if he was going to be there. But one time I was at a friend's party having fun, in the kitchen getting a drink, when the hostess rushed in upset and told me, "Rich is here." I escaped out the door to the backyard, ran to my car, and drove home crying. Later I was masochistic enough to ask my friends "Did Rich bring a girl?" "No," they told me. "He never does. He always sits there alone and talks about you. He's miserable."
End of my story was that my marriage to E was happy and great for eight years, but ended spectacularly badly one night when out of nowhere for no reason he had a psychotic breakdown and beat me unconscious. Nothing in his personal or family history indicated that could ever happen. I was outta there. When he recovered he cried and pleaded for forgiveness, but no, I didn't trust him and was never going through that again. I didn't know who he was anymore. He looked and sounded like the man I loved, but he wasn't the man I loved; the man I loved was my protector, and never hurt me. I mourned the death of the man I loved and stood on my own. I felt enormous guilt about not keeping my wedding vows, "for better, for worse, in sickness and in health," but my self-preservation and protection instinct won. (It was the right call. He had other breakdowns later.)
A few years later, Richard asked me to marry him. We lived happily ever after, until he passed away of cancer. I loved E with all my heart. I would have been with him forever, if not for... But Richard was The One: the love of my life, and I was incredibly lucky and incredibly happy that we enjoyed life together. Richard told me, "I want you to be happy. You should meet someone wonderful and get married again." A few years later, a Prince Charming came into my life and we had a wonderful time together. He knelt down and proposed to me with a gorgeous ring. I accepted, but I never set a wedding date. Like Aidan, he sweetly tried to get me to set a date; suggested elopement; and I tried, really tried and really wanted, to be as in love with this great man as he was with me. I couldn't understand why it wasn't there, but it wasn't there. Finally I told him he deserved someone so in love with him they would go to the altar with him, and I gave him back the beautiful ring. He was very much an Aidan: I could do no wrong in his eyes, thought I was a goddess. If you're reading this hating my guts, I understand. I wish that everybody could have the person of their dreams treasure them. Maybe my Aidan was the universe balancing the scales to make up for the misery and hell I was caused by E. But he really deserved someone to treasure him with their full heart and I am forever and always in love with Rich. I can't help it. No one on Earth can take his place. In all honesty, I'm happy and fulfilled being alone and fulfilling my dreams.
Back to Aidan and Carrie, though: I just don't think that storyline is realistic. Carrie was insulting about Aidan's cabin he was building himself, was not a country girl, screamed at a squirrel and bitched at him for being friendly to it. I get that Aidan thought she was cute and sexy and funny, but the character was a complete glutton-for-punishment pushover, inexplicably endgame about a woman who didn't share his interests, his lifestyle, his goals, his values. He had no boundaries. If Carrie had decided to boff Big on his kitchen table in the cabin, it feels like Aidan would have offered to fix them a snack and asked if they needed anything.
Maybe the problem is I just don't know any man who would put up with the stuff Carrie put Aidan through, ergo I just can't suspend disbelief the way the show sort of needs us to and maybe thought we would.
The whole dumb thing of Big repeating "she can get hold of me, but, I can't get hold of her," like this was profound and complicated, was boring, and not a sufficient reason for Aidan to suddenly bond with Big. Wouldn't Aidan be more likely to be, "Who gives a shlt man. Get the fvck outta my house and don't call my lady"?