It would not be better if you died. I'm going to tell you and everybody else a very personal story and I hope it helps. I was going through something like you were. One day I decided I had enough and put my gun in my mouth. My phone rang and it was my friend. I answered just to tell him goodbye. He didn't try to talk me out of it or anything. He just said think about what you are doing and wait an hour and hung up. About half an hour later a delivery man knocked on my door from my favorite pizza place and handed me a pizza. My friend had them write a note and place it inside on top of the pizza. It said "Enjoy your last meal. If you do this selfish and stupid thing, you will never have one of these again."

Yes, my life got saved by a fucking pizza. That was almost 20 years ago. I still have the note. That friend and I are still very close.

You will always have something good to live for and people that love you. I know it feels devastating that you thought you guys were working towards something special and he didn't reciprocate your feelings. But it happens. So go find some little thing to do today that makes you happy. And call your momma. She loves you.