As a teenager, this is the culture and ideological perspective that I thought my entire future was doomed to be. I would either adopt this self-hating lifestyle and try and make myself right, or I give up and kill myself. Once I realized that the first option was tantamount to killing myself anyways, my sadness just became fury. The religious culture I grew up in and tried so hard to appease was purposefully tripping me up at every fucking turn. I could do no right. There was no option for happiness and I was supposed to be happy with that. There was no hope, no real choices for kids like me and none of the religious adults around me cared. There was no one pushing for answers or trying to pull together some hopeful message to give all these teens in mental anguish. "I would never feel comfortable asking you to do what you're asking me to do," I told someone who I once respected. I realized that this ideological position is not only harmful for me and my situation, but it's an inherently inhumane and cruel thing to apply to anyone. For this reason, Christianity would not work for me even if I was straight. It primarily an ideology of cruelty.