See the part that I think you need to understand is that when people say stuff like that, they aren't saying they don't understand why he did that or why he acted selfishly - they are saying they disagree with/don't like it. Understanding someone isn't automatic justification for things they've done. We can still, as adults, see why a child did something and still scold them for it and try to correct them, for example.

The difference is the approach to analysis, I guess. Folks like you and me are coming from a 'sensical, quality, logical character writing' angle, while they're coming from a 'moral stance' angle.

As an aside, not sure what you're talking about with Daemon hahaha - I've seen mass disgust and empathy for Harwin's boys on this sub lol