but never forget one of our rules is the right to offend

Hmm ya, but the first tenant is

One should strive to act with compassion and empathy toward all creatures in accordance with reason.

I don't think it's very compassionate to dehumanize other people on the basis of their sexuality. It's also not empathetic to continue to argue in favor of doing so while a fellow human is demonstrating that they are hurt.

I tend to think the first tenant is first for a reason.

It's also fine that you made a mistake. There's a tenant for that too

People are fallible. If one makes a mistake, one should do one's best to rectify it and resolve any harm that might have been caused.