TIFU by accidentally facetiming my boss while deep in my wife's cheeks at 1am.....

OH GOD WHAT HAVE YOU DONE... you have fired this autistic imagination of mine and I MUST respond (and make clear that this is by NO MEANS ME - not that there's anything wrong with this kind of thing.)

I know your feet in the morning sun,
I need them tickled in the pouring rain,
And the moment that I see them far from me,
I wanna hold them in my hands again.

And you walk to me with the barest feet,
Keep me hard in my pants,
Then you softly leave,
And it's me you need to show -

how big is your toe-big is your toe,
I really mean to learn,
'Cause we're living in a world of scrubs,
Vanilla as hell,
When they all should not kink shame,
Their insults are really lame.
/r/tifu Thread Parent