I feel as though we are touching on elements of philosophy. Is there a such thing as absolute truth? Is there an objective reality or is reality always subjective? People have debated these things for centuries. I don't think CBT is trying to answer those questions. CBT is simply learning to understand how thoughts feelings and behavior affect one another. And then learning how we, ourselves, can alter our thinking to feel better.

It is not about the therapist altering our thinking. That is not CBT. It is about learning how to lessen unhelpful thoughts to feel better. Put another way, CBT is not something someone performs on us like surgery. CBT is a skill we learn to use like meditation or karate or cooking a recipe.

I think it would be erroneous to say that thoughts and feelings are absolutely true or absolutely untrue. They just are. Also I try not to refer to certain thought patterns as "irrational" like older CBT textbooks do. I disagree with thoughts being irrational or rational. I do think some thoughts are unhelpful.

Let's look at an example.

If a man breaks into my house with a knife in the middle of the night, I will most likely be frightened. In that scenario my feeling would seem most appropriate. Someone might say that feeling is "correct" or "true" but i think that's an odd way to phrase it. Going back to philosophy, is it always correct to be scared in this situation? What if I'm Rambo and can easily disarm the man, would my fear then be irrational? I'd hesitate to say my feelings are rational, true or correct. But I am scared. This is a helpful emotion because my body produces adrenaline and I am able to act quickly. I hide under the bed. The man steals my TV and leaves. That sucks, but at least I am unharmed.

A few months pass and my quality of life is deteriorating. Every night i feel scared and my adrenaline peaks everytime my house makes a creak or sound. I'm exhausted at work because I cannot sleep and my work is declining. Are my feelings irrational? Again, I am going to argue that that question is not relevant. I think it is understandable because I absolutely did experience a break-in in the past. But is it helpful? No, being scared when a man is not breaking in and causing me sleepless nights is not helpful to me.

I go to a therapist and I learn how to identify my thoughts at night. Maybe my thoughts are, "he is going to come back" or "I need to listen attentively to every sound so I can hide again if necessary" or "it is not safe to sleep". I never consciously noticed these thoughts prior to therapy, I was just too scared, but my therapist taught me how to notice them. I learned that these thoughts are increasing my fear and anxiety and in turn causing me not to sleep.

It is not easy, sometimes I regressed, but after a while I learned how to change my thoughts. Instead of "it is not safe to sleep" I think "my new alarm system will wake me up if anything happens." Another example, "he is going to come back" changes to "this was a random, unfortunate fluke accident. It probably will not happen again."

In time, I am able to sleep well again. Sometimes my thoughts come back. I read about a break-in on the news and my old unhelpful thoughts come back. I dont even need to go back to therapy at this point. I use my CBT skills to identify and analyze my thoughts and feelings related to the news story in such a way that it does not continue to disrupt my sleep.

This is a fictional, simplified example. Real life is more complicated. Other modalities might be more appropriate for different people. But I hope this gives a better idea of what CBT does. I read a post saying it is gaslighting. It is not. It is just a skill we can use if we like it.