I've never been a very emotionally open person. I have great parents that I love (despite their issues). I have a good group of friends. And I'm starting down the path of getting my life fully back on track after some recent issues.

I have at least three friends who will just completely open up to me about anything and a few more who frequently seek my advice. Regardless of what it is, they feel like they can tell me. I was always taught growing up that a private conversation remains private without the other person's say-so and because of that I never tell other people what has been said to me.

The problem is I can just utterly not do the same with other people. This goes for literally everyone, including my parents who I know would never tell a soul if I talked about my problems to them. This wasn't always the case but over the course of a few years I sort of drew away from them because of not wanting to be dragged into their issues (which always happens if I get involved in any way). I ended up instead becoming really close to a friend of mine and opening up to her. This was the first time I ever so much as had a crack in my inner wall with anyone other than my parents. I ended up venting a lot of my anger at my parents at the time as well as a lot of my other issues. It ended up biting me in the ass later though. At some point she told at least some of what I told her to her family and it ended up getting back to my mother. This caused a huge issue and a lot of problems. I nearly ended our friendship (this was someone I had known my entire life) but I ended up forgiving her to an extent.

Since then I've sort of withdrawn. I'm not close with anyone anymore. I don't keep people at arms length but neither do I let them in. I deal with my personal issues as best I can on my own. But it's still lonely. It's strange to be in a room full of friends and family and feel alone. Good people who will go out of their way to help me and I can't bring myself to open up at all.