I'm late, i don't think i will be seen, i don't think that anyone will responde. But let's do this, i need to talk, even if it's talking to the wind. This is obviously a trowaway account. I'm 17, i have no mental illness. I have no reason, in my opinion, to be sad. My life is... good, compared to the problem of the others of this post. I'm dealing with physical problem. My leg... is killing me. I'm studying to become a... how to describe it... i manufacture small metal pieces, let's put it that way. I can't sit down during my work time. I have this leg problem since i'm 4, i couldn't play with the others because of this. They were all playing football, or basketball. I was on the edge of the grass, cheering for them. Sometime someone would come. ''Why don't you play with us? Are you lazy or something?'' I said that i'm not very good. And it was the truth, i was not very good. During the sport class, i would stay in the locker room. Sometime the teacher wanted me to play. So i played. So i cried. Everytime i played, i was suffering, i was sometime crying because of the pain. I said to myself ''You are in a team! They are counting on you! You're a nobody if you let them down!'' Then i let them down. I missed shots, i missed moves, sometime i would trip on the ball. Everyone would be laughing at me. Then i said to myself ''You see? At least you make their day, at least you are usefull for that.'' I never told anyone except the teacher about my leg. Sometime, even if it didn't hurt much, i would just cry. Cry in my bed, late at night. Then i was 9, i saw someone on the news kill himself. I said to myself ''Why did he do this?'' Then i had a horrible realisation. Because he felt useless. Like me. I tried to ask how much did i cost, to feed, to dress, to live. Then i multiplied that by month, by years. I was destroyed. My parents could live like kings without me! They could have a house instead of an apartment! They could do so much! ''Why am i here? I serve no purpose, i don't contribute to anything.'' I would think about it, about suicide. Sometime when the pain was too much, i couldn't even go near anything sharp. I would just eat apple, or anything that didn't require cutting. There was a... a fence, on my way to school. A sharp fence. The damn thing was taunting me with every step i took near it. Then my grade started dropping. I would just curl up and cry sometime, i would i study? I wouldn't do anything with my life, i wouldn't be someone that would go down in history! I would be like the thousand of people after me, forgotten and serving no purpose! I thinked like that for 8 years. I still do today. My leg is now still killing me. Someday, i just can't work, at all. My sister call me ''doctor house'' You know the guy, the doctor that have a busted leg, just like me. Except i didn't save live, i was not famous, i did not have an interesting life. I have nothing to live for, no goal. My relationship either vanished in smoke at the beggining or crashed harder than the hindenburg after a few month. ''That's okay, i understand them, why would anyone want to be with a nobody like me.'' That's what i try to think, but i don't see what i'm doing wrong. Maybe i'm too attached, maybe i'm too ''romantic'' I've reached a point in my life where i'm almost 18, and i'm still having theses problems. I remember when i was little, i had an imaginary friend called Drake. He was a dragon, he was strong and fast, he was smart. Everytime i would be on that football field, i would think. ''What would Drake do?'' Then i tried. Then i failed. I had Drake until i was 8, ''He'' was alway trying to cheer me up. Or so i would imagine. The problem was, when i was depressed, when Drake wasn't here, i would imagine that he was on an adventure. Doing dragon stuff. But i knew, deep down, that he was just imaginary. But i would not admit it. So time passed, and Drake didn't ''Come Back'' Even if i knew that he was imaginary, i would instead think that he abandonned me. Why would he stay with a kid like me? He was a dragon! And i was a broken wreck... But enough wall of text, i don't know what i expect from you guys, sympathy maybe, tips even. But i would understand if no one ever say this message and my confession was lost. I would anyone pay attention to me? There are some people that deserve much more sympathy than me... Tldr: My leg is killing me, i hate my life, i fell useless and every relationship i had crashed harder than the hindenburg