I appreciate your feedback. I’m sorry for the wall of text.
I take all the feedback I get to heart. Perhaps too much so. It's been my dream ever since I was very young to be a published author, but nobody I know in real life has ever read or expressed remote interest in reading what I write, so my dream constantly sits on the back burner. This fanfiction event was my opportunity to throw myself out in front of the world for the first time to really see what I was capable of and to see what other people, some of them professional writers even, thought of my writing. This felt to me like my chance to see if I was even capable of achieving what I’ve wanted for so long.
I'm literally losing sleep over this stupid thing. It's 3:13 in the morning as of the writing of this sentence and I just...hate myself. I feel like I’m watching my dream dying. Worse is that I have to be up on less than three hours to teach children how to write…I was so proud of the fanfiction I created, the plot I had going, the characterization, the dialog...but for the last four weeks, between you and /u/JossWhedonsDick it's been constant "point of view is off" or "I'm confused on this point of view" or “omniscient or limited” which is good feedback. It's great feedback, I'm aware of a problem I didn't know I had, and I appreciate that knowledge and want to fix it. …But... I wish I had known about my ignorance on this topic before I ever started this project. Now that I understand the theory behind what I've done I realize that it isn't a small problem. This isn't cosmetic, it's not something like "add more description" here or there, it's not "oh hey your punctuation is off" here or there. This is a glaring, foundational, almost irreparable issue with my writing that's thrown my confidence completely out the window. I'm 100+ pages into this thing. I wrote so much so fast so that I would have backlog to post every week, to keep people interested during the times when my teaching job literally takes over every waking hour of my life. To retroactively fix the point of view at this point will require--as far as my 3:00am mind sees it--a complete rewrite... I'm not opposed to this idea but I generally try not to rewrite so thoroughly until after the whole story has been finished, then I can go back and fix things like continuity, plot holes, so on and so forth while also fixing cosmetic errors. Furthermore, I don’t know if I have time to go back and rewrite so much in time to present it to the public in a way that I can be truly proud of.
I don’t know if this story is worth it. I was so excited—this was a labor of true love, my test to see if I was as good as I thought—but now I’m scared to post any more because I know I'm not good. My writing isn't up to the standard I know it needs to be at to make it as a writer. I’m pouring everything I’ve got into this thing and, Reddit being fickle as it is, I’m seeing less and less readership every week. My story has a glaring foundational problem that’s impacting its coherence and flow. As of this point, I’m really considering calling it quits for now. Maybe I’ll revisit it over summer vacation.
Truth told, I’ll likely delete this in the morning. I’m deliriously tired. I'm sorry for the rant, but hell...I think my dream just died.