So my Grandpa had bipolar disorder and he had two children. While there were a few manic moments that my Mom and Uncle could have gone without, they loved my Grandpa and had a good relationship with him. I’m certainly glad that they were both born since I wouldn’t be here writing this.

OP you have time to have kids. I mean, you still have 4 years left where you would be under/at 50 when they graduated high school and it doesn’t get high risk until 35 if you wanted to continue to raise kids over 50.

I think the best thing you could do is go to therapy, get some of that anxiety under control, and do a preconception appointment with your doctor.

Good luck on your decision!