To Feminists: What dating strategies *should* men employ if not traditional ones?

Excuse my excessive use of quotation marks (also sorry for posting my comment three times without realizing it when it wasn't done :/).

To Feminists: What dating strategies should men employ if not traditional ones?

Men "should" do whatever the heck they want to providing whatever they are doing does not involve harassing/stalking/threatening/whatever women (and yes, I realize that what harassment is to one person is different for what it is for the next person. However, if a reasonable person would question whether what you're doing is illegal, I suggest not doing that).

...I think instead I'll ask those feminists, and non-feminists where applicable, that hold the view of being anti-traditionalist what men should be doing instead of the more traditional strategies to attract, or otherwise start relationships, with women.

For what it's worth, I'm anti-traditionalist in the sense that I don't support forced (be it from the government, social pressures, etc.) traditionalism or some bizarre idea of what men "should" be or what women "should" be, but if someone chooses a traditional path through their own volition, then have at it. I'm vaguely reminded of this conversation where /u/proud_slut was told to "Become a better feminist" because she stated a preference for having a man propose to her with a somewhat expensive engagement ring. She never stated that men should do that or that men should be expected to do that, and I would hope that people can recognize that there is a big difference between wanting a traditional role for yourself/your partner, and forcing it on yourself/others.

That even if we accept that the many suggestions of poor aggressive male behavior, such as cat-calling, are wrong it would appear that more aggressive men are also more successful with women.

What's your metric for "successful"? I ask because there are quite a few men who have my number because they were ridiculously aggressive about getting it, but they never received a response to their phone calls or text messages. To the world they may have been seen as successful, but they were far from it.

I also question whether or not aggressive men actually are more successful with women...I can see aggressive men having a higher partner cou

I'm going to use a bit of redpill rhetoric for ease of understanding. It would appear that alpha males are more successful with women, while beta males are not. If someone's goal is to attractive a suitable mate, then using strategies that are more successful would likely be in their best interest, and thus we're left with the argument that more aggressive alpha males are what women want in men.

Again, you're using some finicky language. What do you mean by "appear" (and I repeat my question about needing the metric for "successful")? I wouldn't be surprised to find out that alpha (ugh) males are more vocal about being successful and generally more quiet about when they aren't successful, whereas less alpha men may not flaunt being successful and being unsuccessful as much. Obviously this is anecdotal, but one of my closest friends has been dating her boyfriend for just over four years. I checked his Facebook page to double-check, and he doesn't have that they are dating on his relationship profile. Meanwhile, I know a couple who have been dating for like, a month, and have that on their profile. Both ways of doing it are fine, but at first glance, you'd probably guess that the guy in the second scenario is more successful, when it's more that he's I'd venture that

With that out of the way, I don't want to discuss that idea anymore. This is something we all have heard, understand, and some of us internalize far more than others. I want to talk about what men should do to get away from that dynamic, in as realistic and practical of a sense as possible. Lets say you've got a socially aware male individual that doesn't want to cat-call or do the 'naughty' aggressive male behaviors to attract women. This includes 'objectifying' women, or otherwise complimenting them, perhaps to heavily or too crudely, on their desirable appearance, and so on. What, then, should they do to attract women? If the expectation of the aggressive male is 'bad', then what strategies should such a male employ to attract women? This could include attracting women to ask the male out, contrary to the typical dynamic.

If being an alpha male is the wrong approach, what do you believe is the right approach? If the traditionalist view, of men seeking out women, by use of financial stability and by providing for them is not longer effective, then what strategies should the morally conscious male use to attract a mate? Where should a male seek out women where the expectation of said women isn't to be approached by the more alpha male [like the trope of at a bar]?

/r/FeMRADebates Thread