Yeah, to me it's a manifestation of DARVO - they are exerting a form of control by essentially telling you that you have no power over your own home/belongings, that asking them to be considerate or respectful of you or be willing to compromise/coordinate in order to make living together fulfilling for both parties is unrealistic & that instead you should just accept that their decisions/needs (even if the "need" in question is "i don't want to bother washing this item separately") are the only ones that matter.

Attempting to talk about this & express that you'd like some consideration or compromise is spun as YOU being the aggressive and controlling one, so that they can now see themselves as the victim, no matter how benign the request they're melting down about might be. I don't think I believe that these people AREN'T aware of how petty and absurd they're being, honestly. In my experience, the people doing this tend to be quite intelligent.

Story time: My ex once had a tantrum because I woke up to the apartment filling with smoke to find him cooking ramen with massive plumes of smoke coming from the burner. When I asked him to swap burners because something causing that much smoke made me nervous that it might ignite (plus prolonged exposure to smoke was a big migraine trigger for me - considering how often he managed to have smoke-inducing food burning episodes in the middle of the night, looking back I'm a little suspicious it might've been intentional), he freaked out about how controlling I was to ask him to do this. I was asking for basic kitchen safety, something that would benefit BOTH of us by virtue of not potentially starting a kitchen fire, and something that would've been a near instant fix. There were three other burners he could've swapped to the second he noticed the smoke, and it's not like they take that long to heat up so he wouldn't have been missing much time, but even after the ramen was almost done, what I was asking would've added maybe a minute more in comparison to the time invested (and ruined food) if whatever was burning ignited & caught fire. The very pot he was using had black marks on it from a similar situation where suddenly something that had fallen in the burner pan ignited & suddenly the entire pot was flaming, so despite his claims that I was being paranoid and controlling, he literally had in front of him proof that the exact thing I was concerned about could happen. Not to mention that by stopping the smoke, he would have been reducing my risk of being in excruciating pain for the next 48hr from a migraine, which you would think/hope would be worth 30 seconds of his time.

However, in his view, I was: toxic, controlling, trying to "change him" for asking him to take 30 sec to switch burners. As I mentioned above, I don't think he was stupid enough to actually believe that my request was as unreasonable and illogical as he attempted to paint it, nor do I think he was so dumb as to reject the evidence right in front of him that what I was afraid of had happened before in a very similar situation; I think he just would seize ANY chance he had to both try and show me that he was the one in charge as well belittle my concerns/needs/health as being unimportant compared to his desires.