Here's the thing though. People can make their own jokes, and have their own fun, which is exactly what these people were doing. They were speaking amongst themselves. They have that right. I make sexist jokes myself, but I don't have any issue with women. It's just taking the piss out of a stereotype. I know you don't have to believe that, but that is the case. The difference is that I would not actually insult a woman. If you want to generalise everyone who finds things funny that you do not, that's your problem, not mine. Sexism is the issue, not jokes. Also, the examples you gave fall flat in one point. They are not jokes. The first was people directly laughing at cross dressing, and the second was people directly using faggot as an insult. Those type of things tend to be homophobic. I don't find it funny to call people a faggot as a term of derision, because that is called abuse.

As you say, making jokes in earshot of someone who is the butt can be, of course, intensive. It's not everyone's duty to look after peoples feelings, mind, but it's just nice if we do. Now, here's the thing. Who was being referenced by this joke? It sure as hell was not the woman who attempted to ruin his life. A joke about big dongles, and a joke about "forking his repo" can't possibly have been referencing her. If he had been joking about black jewish women, yeah, I might fall down on her side of the argument to some extent. But he was not. They were, at best, juvenile, sexual jokes. Just stupid childish fun, they didn't even have a butt to the joke. There was no "victimised" group.

Don't make this about something that it's not. I'm sure that being gay has caused you to see a lot more of the shitty side of people than anyone should have to, but that is changing. People are becoming more and more accepting of everyone, as they should (as it used to be, in fact. Homosexuality has been just peachy with loads of civilisations through the ages). I do hope that it gets easier for you faster, but don't see yourself as the victim of everything, sometimes a joke is just people trying to be funny, not brimming with subtext about their bigoted views.