My HOA is pretty unobtrusive and generally a benefit. We have our leaves raked, snow shoveled and plowed, specialty recycling services, arborists, people check our roofs for us annually, and it is easy to get signed waivers for reasonable things outside the rules with a quick letter and explanation. I have a cute little shed out back, and it was allowed because I promised to match the fence and deck staining of my neighbors. I haven't gotten a fine, nobody has a garage so there's no trashcan drama, we have occasional BBQs, and they even throw storm cleanup "parties" where everyone pools gear and gloves and bags, then afterwards has a couple drinks while the kids tear around the neighborhood.

HOAs are supposed to be groups of people who join up for greater leveraging power and to save money when paying for services everyone needs. Of course we're all only human so many HOAs end up being hellscapes. IMO the best way to avoid a shitty HOA experience is to get involved and encourage others to be involved too. The folks at the top are much less likely to be terrible if they know you will vote them out.