Condoms don't completely protect against all STDs so there's some exposure, herpes and HPV in particular being the likely culprits. CDC also lists some risk for nearly every other STD, though I suspect some of that is due to condom failure, prolonged exposures, rough sex, etc which don't apply in this case. What's interesting is that in some ways, a sex worker may be safer than, say, a random hookup BECAUSE of her likely of prior exposure to STDs. The most infectious period for most is during initial infection since the immune system hasn't had a chance to get it in check. The only exception would be drug use though that applies in a drunken hookup as well to some degree.

Symptoms are significant because they can be used to estimate the odds of non-infection. ARS appears in 50-90% of HIV infections within 2-4 weeks so, assuming one showed no symptom in that time frame odds of contraction would be reduced by half in other words, worst case. In worst case scenario, she was recently infected, takes drugs, had other STIs, etc odds of unprotected intercourse would be 20% from a single incident but taking into account lack of symptoms would drop to 2%-10%. It seems with 4th gen tests, 95% of positives will occur by end of 4th week but I'm a few days past median positive already so, assuming negative, odds would reduce even further. Symptoms mean little for HPV at this point but for Herpes suggests at least 80% drop in odds given, when symptomatic, appears in 1-2 weeks. Risk for both is 2/10k worst case per exposure. While infinitely small, another way to think of it is, were all 300M people in the US to undergo the same exposure, we'd expect 30k people to contract but given the lack of symptoms that number drops to 6k. Taking into account whether the worker was infected, imperfect protection, odds that she was shedding, limited exposure time, etc. that number could well drop into a few hundred. Playing with statistics is one thing but to have any confidence in these number I need practice applying it, which is hard to do of course so the closest I could get was polling random people on the internet in similar situations and roughly my expectations seemed to agree. A few even suggested I must be a troll the odds were so low. I didn't cover the odds of arrest here but that's another factor, though again drops with time.

I didn't enjoy the dancer. I wasn't looking for sex and would have declined had it been discussed. The stripper mentioned "have a good time" in the VIP area but wouldn't clarify what that meant and I forgot later, just wanted a longer lap dance. In retrospect, I see why she was annoyed that I wasn't paying her more. She was very assertive, I guess she needs to be because of the clients she gets. I was depressed and pretty much just did whatever she said because she said it, I didn't care about the time, and I didn't understand what was going on. She softened up afterwards, I think she realized she'd made a mistake too.

It's somewhat traumatic for me to think about now so I'm trying to just forget it as much as possible and retain whatever life experiences I can gain from it. Maybe my son will need advice in a similar situation some day, for example, or I can better explain the math of STDs to my kids now that I've needed to learn them when they're of age for example. I never needed to know before because I'd only had sex with two women in my life up to this point and both were virgins. I'll have to make it up to my SO in some other ways but first I need to get past the STD risks. I know no risk is impossible but we don't need that. They just need to be approximately comparable to what they were before or insignificantly different or, at a minimum, lower than the odds of other dangers we all face in life. The irony is that, had I had an STD before we met (I dated a girl w/HSV-1 for 2 years) we actually haven't had enough sex in our 10 years of relationship for my SO to have likely contracted it from me. We've had sex in total, maybe 50 times. She's improved a bit lately but she's seriously LL and it's been challenging for us and the relationship in other ways too (we both suffer from anxiety, she has only child syndrome, etc) and I struggle with a number of other health issues that have affected my mental state.