This really resonates with me.

I too was once a very ambitious person. People predicted great things for me. Life...had other plans. lol. Ended up homeless, actually. That was hard, and painful to go through. But in retrospect, very much a blessing in disguise.

A lot of soul-searching followed, a lot of reading self-help books trying to figure it out. Encountering Buddhist thought and got captivated by it. The secular philosophy of it, not the religion.

Slowly, new dreams sprouted and I found myself working on dreams I had as a kid, of living like Henry David Thoreau in a secluded forest. As a homeless guy that was an impossible dream. Didn't matter. Worked on it anyway, because working on it was better than not working on it.

Working on it kept the hope alive, kept the despair and suicide at bay. It gave my life a structure, a positive direction.

To my astonishment, in 2012 it came true. I'm living it now. I live in the Cascade Mountains of Washington State, and outside my window is forest and snow-capped mountains far as the eye can see. I'm very low-income but retired, and never have to hustle for money ever again. My income still manages to be more than I need, so I have no money worries, and every month I get a little richer without me even having to do anything at all. All the free time I want. I live in an artist's paradise.

I'm still stunned to this day.

A bit part of that journey was learning about my own mind, about ego, about letting go of ego and self-hate. About tuning the mind to the joy channel instead of the suffering and self-hate channel.

There's still darkness and the voice of self-hate in my head, but...strangly, it doesn't bother me anymore. It doesn't hurt the way it used to. I don't identify with it anymore.

I still have a lifetime of more artistic creative dreams I am pursuing, not so much for the end goal, but just for the joy of it, for the journey, the inner growth, the adventure. I love what it does to my mind and the person it turns me into. They might make the world a happier place some day. Maybe. Be a lot of fun finding out.