Pose as a 15 year old genius on MO posting gigabrain takes day and night ( only comments to avoid getting your stuff closed down, they dont have to be helpful just a big flex ), say stuff like 'my friends from the track team and ancient greek club and I just finished reading the Fargues-Scholze paper, we are about to enter highschool next summer and we are wondering where to go from here????' .

With luck this will depress enough PhD students and posdocs and will finally convince them to leave academia, because what is the point really?

Remember to be very humble and wholesome, just in case anybody thinks that maybe you dont have the people skills to make it work, just rub that charm on their faces.