I am guessing there was probably some family bullshit and poor social skills that predate adolescence thrown in for good measure.

Exactly, I don't think much of it nowadays, but I guess I've had some bad underlying shit that started it all a very long time ago - a parents divorce, skipping kindergaren entirely, a lot of fighting and screaming and breaking shit back when I was too young to have any idea on what the fuck was going on, etc

I think I'm a bit more adapted now to rejection after experiencing it suddenly first-hand and with a painful blow, but I've just kinda lost my will to actually try and meet someone (like, I can't form a single sentence on Tinder, let alone irl - yet I was a good talker before, and managed to pull off being very sociable, especially with people who initiate the talks first) - but at the same time I want/need someone new, and it's hard to explain in words even to my mental health specialist - I guess it's just chemicals to put simply

A hobbyist biker can do forty miles and not get saddle sores.

A bit off topic, but I'm a pretty serious cyclist myself, and at first could barely pull off 5-10 km a day on a beater with my everything hurting during the start of this year, but less than a year in and I'm doing over 70-90 km a day on a carbon speed machine - and it has helped me insanely, I'd be FAR worse right now, more depressed and bitter and still mad and upset over a girl if I didn't get a bike. It's just that it's far easier for me than "people stuff" - it's just physical stuff. But I definitely get that it's not easy in any way. It's just that I am for sure not doing it enough - not going to group rides often, not doing enough social activities in general. I need to fix that somehow, but I'm so often finding myself with cabin fever just staying indoors and watching movies or playing games alone, and I'm starting to hate the old habits.

I know it's far from the same, but I worked as a waiter for some time, and well, it also included some cold talking. As a courier, in an outbound call centre - all included some cold approach to people, however usually without much casual conversating. Can't say I've learned much but some of these experiences definitely allowed for easier approach, just to not all people.

Thanks