"She said that when I left without telling her why, deep down you wanted
her to plead and her to worry. You keep telling yourself she wouldn't
care but deep down, you want her to care. You want her to feel pain,
like she did to you. However meeting her would take some of your
control. She was right."
She might be right. But it's actually illogical for your wife to plead, worry or even care. You said yourself it angers you that your wife is even attempting to reconcile. Because time after time after time she chose M over you. Not to mention long time friendships. You gave her the freedom to be with M all day any day and she's going to cry and not sign the papers? And so what if you ghosted to hurt her? Screw her, she deserves to be hurt. She deserves to feel some pain and regret. She sure as hell wasn't showing you any sympathy while she was doing the Craigslist crotch carousel. Often the pain we give is a reflex reaction to pain we receive. I highly doubt you would have ghosted a faithful loving and honest wife.
Don't meet her at all. What questions do you need answered? What in the hell could she possibly tell you that is going to make any of this better for you? Yeah you can find out some more shit you don't want to know. but I highly doubt you're going to learn anything new that will make you feel better about yourself or the situation.
I fully understand wanting to be over and done with the marriage. I give you props for filing the paperwork. But you're done with her. What does it really matter if it takes a little longer for the divorce to go through? She can only contest it so long. If you give into her demands she's just going to try to manipulate you. That can be her only reason for wanting to speak with you. I'm not saying you're weak enough to fall for her BS. But your mind is set and the time for any communication has long passed.
You mentioned bigotry but didn't address it in the post. Not that it matters, but you said you are disappointed about M being something you and she would have disapproved of. Do you think she was blowing smoke up your ass and never really cared or changed her tune for M?