As Salamu Alaykum,

OP i have a serious question/comment. As human to human I hope you will read this and just answer truthfully. Firstly why did Allah, the Most High, give wealth to Pharaoh and allow the Bani Israel to be tortured. It says it in the Qur'an clear as day the women of Israel's sons were slaughtered. And I assume (the Qur'an isn't lewd in description) that the women were also raped from historical context however I am speculating on last part not the children killed.

Second, it appears you were a humanist as opposed to a muslim. Did you consistently hold onto the rituals ie 5x a day daily prayers even though sometimes it eat away at your heart that "Why am I being tortured when everyone is living it up, ppl who humiliated you and were given blessing of islam and wealth, marriage, health, happiness?" Did you still turn to Allah, at minimum do the motions for at minimum a year? Even though it was agonizing pain ever second because it felt like your body was on fire. Do you feel ripped into pieces every day? Every day you wake up and feel impending doom but you forced yourself to perform the rituals with no hope in sight? I seriously want to know. Did you give up everything? Wealth, prosperity, everything, family just to perform your rituals (alhumdullilah for health)? I listen to Shaikh Navid Aziz's talk: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e342DlpoLT4 for a quick opiod but reality burns. I need to know op, /u/pharmaninja I really need to know because somehow you were still able to fall in love with a female, which makes no sense to me if you are trying to submit to the commands of Allah, the Most High; forget submission for a moment how can someone facing poverty, sickness, lethargy even contemplate love? Did you give up the haraam for Allah and still continue to be patient? Were you mistreated by so called Muslims who not only humiliate you your whole life but your family and you still have to pray and see them every single week for years? Have you heard your most loved relatives talk about ending it all. Has Allah really made your life this awful. Do you face loss of pretty much everything everyday but you STILL STILL TURN TO ALLAH you still stay patient and try to remove evil thoughts of Allah? Are you just a humanist no feeling pity for yourself? What have you done to really know a God exists? Have you ever just for 10 minutes waken up before fajr and asked Allah for help. Maybe you have, but to save face you'll write you committed to rituals. But if you read my post, you know what I write isn't a literary work of fiction.

I want to know what your commitment was like /u/pharmaninja