I'm not all that attractive. Dudes generally don't chase after me, so I'm not quite the ideal you're taking about. But I also don't show up on gaydar unless I'm going out of my way to advertise my sexuality.

This has been a depressingly common conversation in my life when becoming acquainted with gay men:

Him: "Coming out was super awkward. I mean it was junior high in this super liberal city I grew up in and literally everyone I know was accepting and supportive but it was still a big emotional hurdle just accepting myself. You?"

Me: "I'm from a conservative community. I mostly grew up in a fundamentalist Christian home, and I imagine my dad would have killed me if he'd ever known. My mom was ultimately supportive, but when I first moved to her place she had this boyfriend who was pretty homophobic. So I didn't actually come out until my mid 20s and I still struggle with anxiety about being open in public. But I was at least lucky enough to not believe the religious crap, and I never really craved my dad's respect, so I never hated myself or had much trouble coming to terms with being gay. I mean yeah, some trouble, but nothing like what most experience."

Him: "Oh but you're straight-passing so at least your life's been easy. I think I was once passed over for promotion because my boss is uncomfortable with gays."

Me: "..."

There are lots of gay men out there that have a massive victim complex and they'll happily dismiss, condescend, or outright shit all over anyone who isn't the embodiment of the particular ways that they themselves have suffered, least attention be drawn away from their particular struggles. Men who'll happily lecture me about my supposed "privilege" and ignore me or become hostile if I try to explain the price I've paid along the way to becoming who I am.

Friends I have who are like me but also really fucking hot? They get that but like a million times worse. Because it must be wonderful to be straight-passing and such an ideal sex object and have a never ending stream of gay men (and straight women) constantly after their attention, so how could they ever have trouble forming feel meaningful friendships or, indeed, have any trouble at all?

Now get a bunch of those guys - only younger and less emotionally developed, because college - together in a room and tell me just how at home any superficially "privileged" man should feel in that space.