My experience with TERFs in my country, is that they're all just very sheltered and selfish western women. I'm sorry for jumping to conclusions earlier. I think we both did that to each other, but now this stuff is in the open, maybe we can understand each other better. Trauma shouldn't be invalidated, and it shouldn't be a contest either. I'm sorry you had to go through this, and I hope that you're in a safer place right now.

Having 3 shelters might work, but we already struggle to make it work for just women. Plus, some trans women... they've had surgery, they pass very well. If you put them in a trans shelter, what if a male predator claims to be trans and abuses them again?

At the very very least, I believe that a cis-passing post-op trans woman who does not exhibit antisocial behaviour, doesn't deserve to be kicked out of a women's shelter after being abused by a man.

So that's basically the problem for me. I have met lots of trans women. Some were complete and utter creeps. Like you say, turning womanhood into a fetish and a costume. On the other hand, I have also met a lot of trans women who... I wouldn't really know they were trans. Especially the ones who transition as young children, a group which is becoming more common today.

I think that's probably our main area of disagreement. That latter group, I just see them as innocent women who didn't really get a choice in any of this either. Maybe because of the implications of my biology, and also my being raised in a country where most women actually have rights and safety and so on, I don't think our biology defines our lives as much as you seem to.