I’m the kind of person who perceives the world in dramatically different ways depending on the words I use to explain it to myself. And like you, “letting go” is something I’ve always struggled with. In recent years I’ve explored this pain point and realized that changing the language I’m using when thinking about it can shift my reception of it entirely. When I say “let go” to myself, I feel awful. I feel like I’m about to lose something/someone I don’t want to lose. I feel like I’ve already lost and am having a hard time accepting that, and I feel like I’m bullying myself for struggling with this problem in the first place.

But there’s other ways to describe the same concept which evoke different feelings. One phrase I could use instead when a relationship is ending or has ended is “let live.” It’s more optimistic, doesn’t focus on the idea that I’ve lost someone, and it makes me feel good about choosing to move on instead of bad that what I’m moving on from is ending. By changing a single word in my head, I can completely change how I feel about a situation.

The jury is out on whether this helps me in the long term, but I truly believe it will.