The fact that your brother molested you like that is shameful. Brothers are supposed to protect their sisters. I'm sorry to hear that he scarred you like that. It sounds to me like you are a very determined individual who will go far in life. Just remember that this master's degree is a tool to improve your life, but this degree does NOT define you as a person. You are so much more than a degree. I promise you that you have the strength inside of you to overcome whatever life throws at you.
I'd like to share my story with you, in hopes that you can find some comfort. It's a long story that I've never shared in full before, so I apologize that my thoughts are a bit scattered.
I'm a 22 yr old male. Growing up was mentally damaging.
My father worked a warehouse job that paid for the bare essentials and was physically demanding. His work schedule was 3PM-11PM, so during the week, I only saw him for a few minutes in the morning before school. Whenever there was overtime, he would work it. This meant that on the odd weekend that he was around, he was completely burnt out. Needless to say, he was not much of a father. I don't blame him for this, as he did what he had to do to keep a roof over my head. I respect him a lot for this. However, my father allowed my family to be run to the ground by my mother. He didn't leave her until I graduated from high school. I'm not sure what is wrong with him, but she was the only woman who ever took interest in him, and I think he didn't believe that anyone else could love him.
This left me with my stay-at-home mom who is mentally ill, and deeply religious (to the point of being deranged). Her mental illness is undiagnosed, as she refuses to go to doctors. My guess is bi-polar. I'm sure there are other ailments also. She also refused to work growing up, and because she refused to see a doctor, she never collected disability.
Since my father was not around much, I was cast as the "man of the house". My mom committed emotional incest on me every day. I was expected to comfort her, and to be the man in her life. She would even have me massage her. It was deeply disturbing.
She never got along with neighbors or family/extended family. Her tendency was to burn bridges and then run away and "start over". Before I was 5, we moved to different cities twice, and then when I was 6, we moved to another province all together. She moved us again 4 more times between the ages of 10 and 15.
Her religious beliefs ruined our family. She believed in some pretty far fetched ideas such as if she gave enough money to the church, and had enough faith in god, all of life's troubles would go away. She would sooner give money to the church than buy food for the table. She also believed that a true believer should "pray in tounges" (ie. speaking in complete gibberish). When I was 8, she announced to our household that god had instructed her that each of us should change our names to a name from a person in the Bible of our choosing. I had no choice in the matter, and it's a scar that will be with me forever, as I am known to everyone by this name, and changing it would require some sort of explanation to people. I have always been an atheist, but growing up, I had to pretend that I was a believer.
To top it all off, she burnt every bridge with our extended family. She didn't give contact info to anyone when we moved.
My mother also homeschooled me from grade 1-5. Given how much of a nutcase she was, I never had friends or socialized with anyone during these years. My mother, sister, and father were the only people that I interacted with. We didn't even attend church as my mom would attend a live-streamed service broadcast from the USA. I managed to convince my mom to send me to public school starting in grade 6, however, due to having lived like a hermit and being fed religious ideas, I was completly ostracized by my peers. The bullying and social isolation took a massive toll on my self esteem. I never knew I had depression, because mental illness was not talked about in my household, and it wasn't talked about much in school either. My mental illness would come to destroy my life.
I wanted to be a commercial airline pilot growing up, but school for that was way beyond my means. Instead, I opted to go to university. I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life, but the university I applied to felt that my grades in math were strong enough that I should pursue a degree in it. There was so much trauma from my childhood that I turned to alcohol and weed to sooth my pain. I spent money on frivolous things, and fast food because I was too depressed to cook. Eventually, at 20, I dropped out of school, and worked part time to fund my spending spree and substance addictions. This lifestyle eventually left me living in my car, in debt by around $50,000. I picked up full time work as a night time janitor, but this job required me to travel lots. Living in my car in the cold winter and hot summers was brutal. Since I worked overnight, I had to sleep during the day, which was near impossible in the summer heat. I'm surprised I'm even alive to type this, because I became so sleep deprived that I fell asleep behind the wheel on almost a daily basis. I didn't even care if I died. In fact, I hoped that I would die. I was just too much of a coward to do it myself. During this time, I picked up the habit of smoking cigarettes to stay awake and sooth my mental anguish. I ate one meal a day (usually Subway or McDonald's). I ended up becoming skinny as a rail. Eventually, I started confiding in my coworkers. They supported my mental health, and eventually, despite my situation, I decided that life was worth living.
One day, life gave me a break and I found a place to live. I'm now working a full time and a part time government job to support myself. In 4 years, I will be debt free. I'm no longer abusing alcohol or marijuana, although I haven't kicked the cigarette addiction yet, and I'm still skinny as a rail.
Loosing to life and becoming homeless was the best thing that ever happened to me, even though I didn't know it at that time. I learned I am not defined by my past. I have learned to stop being a victim. I am learning to love myself for who I am. I have learned that I am a survivor. I have learned that it is my actions that define me, not my circumstances, or the belongings I posess. I have a strength inside of me that I never knew I had. Hitting bottom allowed me to find myself, and to heal. I have learned to let go of expectations for my life, and be happy for the present. Nothing is a guarantee. I live paycheck to paycheck, and the economy today is not helping.
I wanted to be a commercial airline pilot. It's all I ever dreamed of as a kid and teen. Life had different plans. I've learned that it's ok. I've learned that my happiness in life comes from being able to make others laugh, or being an ear for someone who is having a tough time themselves. I have learned that my happiness comes from simple things like a walk through the forest, or a pizza party with friends.
My hope is that you can find what makes you happy. Live this life for yourself. You are only gauarenteed this moment, so go and do something for yourself. Maybe it's as simple as getting super creative with ramen noodles, or drawing in a notebook. Maybe it's having a good time out with a friend.
Don't give up on your degree, but realize that it's only a tool to improve your life. Attend your classes because you find the material interesting to learn. You will find that it's much easier to focus when you give yourself permission to fail. Remember that failure is a better teacher than success. If this isn't the path life has chosen for you, it's okay! You are so much more than a piece of paper, and there are many ways to be successful and happy in life. I wish you all the best!