Honestly man, as hard as that is to say, and as horrible as it sounds to others: I completely, completely understand you. My parents have even uttered the word "relief" a couple times in the last year and a half. I didn't have to deal it with the way they did. My Dad told me, when we crossed that 1 year mark, that they had "already been grieving for many years." It's a horrible, horrible thing, and it sounds so cold to others, but I completely understand where you and they are coming from. I often tell myself that I have already had the worst thing in the world happen to me, so I guess that nothing else will ever be able to hurt me as much ever again. Of course, I haven't yet had children, I guess I haven't had the worst thing in the world happen to me, but my parents lost 3 children in total, and they're still breathing, so I guess I will too.

Good luck to you, OP. Again I am so sorry. It fucking sucks so much. I wish that it could be any other way.