Of course I would never admit any of that to my SO, but that doesn't change how I truly feel about that situation. The matter of fact is that I place a very high importance on my own life, but my life is tied to the comfort I currently have, and a good part of that comfort is confidence that I will succeed in life the way I want. Without that comfort I wouldn't have a life.

There is no need to change my perspective because it benefits me. It gives me a drive to work hard to prevent my life from falling apart. It's the fact that it's all just random chance that scares me the most. I don't believe in God, but I do believe that I am my own personal god. The reason why disabled people make me uncomfortable is because it's a reminder that we are physically fragile and that I don't actually have full control over my life.