When I was in high school, I was hanging out with a friend at his parents house on a night when we knew we'd have the place to ourselves. The parents were out somewhere but would be home in the morning. So we get this brilliant idea to get some booze and get fucked up in his basement.

We start out with boones farm because it was easy to get. But it definitely wasn't doing the trick. So we go rummaging through his parents' liquor cabinet and make our way through some gin and rum, filling rocks glasses and drinking it straight! It tasted awful but it was doing its work, we were on our way to hammered. The last thing I remember is finding a bottle of scotch and then I blacked out.

The next morning I wake up and I feel like hell. Not all there. We were both sprawled out on the floor of the basement and I ran to the bathroom to puke my guts out. I was still incredibly drunk and wasn't quite aware of my surroundings. My friend won't wake up but my instinct is "I gotta get outta here."

I stumble up the basement stairs to find my friend's family having breakfast in the kitchen. I panic and slide into the bathroom nearby and try to figure out what to do. My drunk ass decides the best course of action is to play it off and slink by, back down to the basement. They can't see me wasted. So I stumble back down there, say fuck it, and lay back down on the floor.

Next thing I know, his mom is screaming bloody murder and begging her husband to call an ambulance. She had noticed something on my pants when I hurried by and wanted to see what was up. Turns out I had shit myself. And the bathroom walls. And the basement walls. Well someone did. Puke everywhere. My buddy unresponsive.

Paramedics and cops showed up. We got tickets for underage drinking. My dad had to pick me up. I was too drunk to drive home. He didn't even yell at me. He knew I had suffered enough. The hangover and lifelong embarrassment would be punishment enough.