I don't think every moment of a persons life needs to be a teaching moment, but maybe we differ on that stance. With 2 kids I've learned not every show must be educational, not every game must teach them something, not every moment must be a "the more you know..." moment and sometimes life happens. But again, thats just me. Maybe you feel differntly.
I actually feel like he learned that sometimes you get let down by the people you hope will come through for you but community (humanity) can come through for you. I think he learned that there are people out there who care about him that he never knew about. I think he learned that it made him feel good when others were caring and considerate of him (and not so good when he was alone) so he can take that lesson and be more caring and considerate to those around him. I think if he's ever invited to a birthday party he will definetly want to go because he wont want that kid to feel like he did before those strangers showed up, and he will want them to feel like he did after they did. He learned that their are people outside of his small sphere and they are caring. So I feel like he learned alot. Maybe its not a nice lesson on making friends as an autistic child or having even more fun by yourself like you do every other day that isnt your birthday since clearly thats what he needs to hear on his birthday because God knows they aren't working on that already but to me those are all very valuable lessons..
"instead she taught him he is special and gets a special birthday"
Wow! what an awful shitty parent. I know when I throw my kids a birthday party I definetly aim to show them that they are NOT special and don't deserve a special birthday lest I be accused of being a shitty parent....
"A meaningful lesson, one I'm sure she teaches him every second of every single day"
You know nothing of what she teaches her son everyday. You just want to throw this in to try to bolster your case that she is a shitty parent. and you know what, I don't even care if she taught her son that he's special. If you ask most kids if they are special I sure as hell hope they answer yes because its a sad world if they answer no. You are trying to talk about teaching lessons on planning, communication, dealing with dissapointment, making friends which all can be hard for a 6 yr old. Then you want teach these nuggets on his birthday when he's already so upset, and you talk about these things without any consideration that this kid is autistic. You have no idea how HARD these things are for an autistic child when you have no idea where he is on the spectrum and you have the audacity to call her a shitty parent for not imparting these lessons on her son on his birthday. Its just so unbelievable. I just can't even go on in this ridiculous discussion.