"Hello everyone. I tried to be a successful CEO by making Reddit more profitable. I've grown tough throughout the years and became willing break a few eggs to make Reddit the billion dollar corporate omelette I thought it could be. With increased revenue, we could finally had made the updates around here that everyone has been itching for."

"Unfortunately, the few methods of making this site profitable were through various forms of advertising and paying power users. One such advertising method was to allow IAMA questions to be answered by the representatives of celebrities, instead of celebrities themselves. This would increase the number of AMAs conducted, but would limit some of the questions which would be answered."

"Another such method would be a buy-in for the Secret Santa gift exchange. As we all know, the Reddit Secret Santa is famously a three-time Guiness World Record Holder for largest gift exchange. There is money in that title somewhere."

"There are members of the staff which have been around for a long time and were very much integral to the success of the above programs. They protested the methods of revenue generation and further refused to implement the new plans. To insure that they did not convince other employees to rebel, I fired them immediately. I did not have a back up plan, nor consider how quickly their loss would be felt by the community."

"I still wish to see Reddit become more profitable and offer new options and services to it's user base. I believe now that in order for this brand to grow. I have to step down. I just want you all to know I had Reddit's future success in my heart when I made these decisions."

"We are contacting our former employees and negotiating their return."

(((((SORRY!!! I know this is supposed to be a joke, but I just wrote what I thought would actually get her upvotes....)))))